If you’re 40 and your parents are 70, it’s time to begin carefully and thoughtfully observing and gathering information.  Don’t reach a conclusion from a single observation and decide unilaterally on the best solution until you have gathered information with an open mind and talked with your parents.

Approach your parents with a conversation about your observations.  Discuss what you’ve observed and ask your parents what they think is going on.  If your parents acknowledge the situation, ask what they think would be good solutions.  If your parents don’t recognize a problem, use concrete examples to support your case.

Talk now, rather than later after a crisis has occurred.  If you know your loved one has poor eyesight or trouble driving at night, begin to address those issues before a problem arises.

Don’t patronize.  Remember, you are talking to an adult, not a child.  Patronizing speech or baby talk will put older adults on the defensive and convey a lack of respect for them.  Put yourself in your parent’s shoes and think how you would want to be addressed in this situation.

Look for solutions that optimize strengths and compensate for problems.  Always try to move toward solutions that provide the maximum amount of independence for the older person.

Continue to observe and ask questions.  Be sure they’re still involved with friends.  If one of your parents dies and the house seems to be in disarray, it’s probably not because of a sudden illness.  It’s much more likely from a lack of social support and the loss of a lifelong relationship.  Make sure that your parents maintain their friends and have a social life.

Many issues of aging can be solved by providing parents with the independence and support they need.  A resource such as The Atrium of Carmichael can provide independent living with a supportive and social environment by providing your parents with the help and services they need, and providing you with peace of mind knowing that your parents are in a safe, independent environment.